Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
