eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
