shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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