Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
