I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
