Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I take back everything I said about communal showers
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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