final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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