I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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