I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
