I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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