i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
