Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Non-Jews are for practice
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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