I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
