the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
