I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
