You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
