how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
