Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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