woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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