WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
