she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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