8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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