Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
