I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
