I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
