I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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