He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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