plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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