I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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