I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
