Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
