how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
