I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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