My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
