im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
