I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
