I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
