could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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