He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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