Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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