so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize