im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
