piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
