Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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