I think I am morally bankrupt
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
