what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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