His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
