I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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