It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
