the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
