So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
