get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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