apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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