$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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