That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
