3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
