Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
