if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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