I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
