Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
