ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
